the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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