Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
