You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
