My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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