Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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