My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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