Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
