so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
