I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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