I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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