as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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