he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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