So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
even my farts smell like vagina
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
