I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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