Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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