Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
