Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize