haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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