Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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