im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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