Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.