Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
