So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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