I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.