I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize