I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?