Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.