If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
