When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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