the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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