They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
