i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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