wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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