So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize