You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you made out with another girl for some wings
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize