My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
