I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
