new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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