He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
