dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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