dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
