He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
