its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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