my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
