We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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