a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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