he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
