Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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