Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
