I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
