I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
