oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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