I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
