I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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