she looked like the before picture.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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