We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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