Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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