Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
