hotel room ftw
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
