I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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