Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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