nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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