I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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