Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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