You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
