How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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