Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
